LIE: Christians shouldn’t get discouraged

Lie: Christians shouldn’t get discouraged.

Truth: Christians should feel joy and sorrow.

If you’re having suicidal thoughts, in addition to spiritual counsel, seek competent guidance, especially from those who care with the love of God. If you don’t know anyone personally you can confide in right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-8255 or simply call 988 in the United States to text with a counselor. You can also go here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat

We need to make an important distinction, right up front. It’s clear enough that discouragement comes in many forms and depths, and from many sources. On the one hand, we use the word discouraged broadly to describe a temporary state of mind caused by general weariness or boredom or pain, but on the other hand, it’s also used when we’ve endured more chronic or tragic maladies – a death of a loved one, abandonment, divorce, and many others.

Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, “Sit here while I go and pray over there.” And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.” — Matthew 26:36–38

The compatibility of joy and sorrow

We usually think that joy and sorrow are mutually exclusive – you can’t have both at the same time. But that’s simply not true. In his second letter to the Corinthian church, which most regard as his most autobiographical, Paul says:

as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold we live; as chastened, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things. — 2 Corinthians 6:9–10

The truth is that, although Christians are not immune from either end of this spectrum, the discouragement that we all feel, can be tempered by joy and peace. As non-intuitive as that may sound, it is the heritage that every believer in Christ possesses. As unbelievable as it may sound, this is true, even for the most severely afflicted, oppressed and even the terminally ill.

Also in the letter to the Corinthians he wrote:

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body . . . Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. — 2 Corinthians 4:7–10, 16

We can experience joy and sorrow at the same time. We can also experience love and hate, turmoil and peace, justice and mercy. How can this be? Simply put, it’s because we inhabit two worlds simultaneously – earth and heaven.

This may be a new thought, but it is well founded in the scriptures:

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, — Ephesians 2:4–6

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. . . . Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him — Colossians 3:1–5, 9–10

Actually, the Lord commands us to rejoice in the midst of our troubles and even because of them:

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. — James 1:2–3

Great is my boldness of speech toward you, great is my boasting on your behalf. I am filled with comfort. I am exceedingly joyful in all our tribulation. — 2 Corinthians 7:4

In telling us to rejoice in our tribulation, Paul is not being insensitive or uncaring. He’s simply saying that, in the midst of your heartache, also remember who the Lord is, whose you are, where you are and what your ultimate destiny is. The answer is not for discouragement to go away, but that it be eclipsed or balanced with joy. (See also: Lie: I am defeated, part 1 and part 2.)

Isaiah prophesies that Messiah will be able to do just that:

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
. . .
To comfort all who mourn,
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” — Isaiah 61:1–3

Most want their discouragement simply to go away so that their emotions can return to some neutral or benign state. But that is not the goal. The goal is not to disable or deaden our ability to feel sorrow or discouragement. The goal is to cultivate a full range of emotion, from extreme sorrow to ecstatic joy.

That said, a serene state of mind is a state of rest and balance. This is the peace of God that passes all understanding. Here is that famous passage:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:6–7

The peace of God is the implausible ‘eye of the storm.’ I know it’s real because I’ve experienced it myself. It happens when ‘all hell breaks loose’ and I should be sobbing or quaking with fear. But in reality, I experience (though not always – I’ve not yet ‘attained’[1]) a serenity that I cannot fully explain. It’s that peace that passes all understanding.

This passage also describes how the peace of God acts as a sentinel, a guard that looks ahead and warns of what’s coming. This peace protects our hearts and minds from the damage that could otherwise be caused by dark emotions. In my own life, this peace acts as a thermostat, a centering, lifting me from the ache of hardships and pain and the uncertainties of life and buoys me up and reminds me of the ultimate victory of our God. Between our growing awareness of outward suffering in the world, and God’s ultimate justice and victory of the new creation, God enables us to balance this sorrow and joy by peace.

The empathy of Jesus

To understand how this should work, we need to look no further than to the earthly life of Jesus himself. He lived primarily between the valley and the mountain – between serving  the poor, the lame, and the afflicted who languish down in the valley; and ascending in prayer with the Father on the mountain. Because of that he experienced the full range of emotion.

. . . looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. — Hebrews 12:2

In his humanity, because he understood and deeply felt the suffering of every person – surely more than anyone else, he needed to regularly ‘get away,’ but not to escape, but rather to ‘recharge’ by bathing in prayer in the presence of his Father. He consistently cycled between the valley and the mountain.

That empathy that filled Jesus as he walked in the world, drove him to seek and save the lost. Yes, it was his will to heal, but it was more than a dry theoretical idea of ‘God’s will.’ No, his will was driven by his empathy, his love, his near-visceral feeling of the pain of others. He willed to heal and save them, because he really wanted to heal them. Jesus, as he encountered the evil and pain and suffering in the world, must have constantly felt the full spectrum of emotion – the pain of seeing the leper and his dejection, yet holding that in tension with the joy of freedom and triumph that he knew would be coming when he healed him.

We would do well to emulate this foundational practice of our Lord. It sustained and balanced him in life; enlarged his heart of empathy; and prepared him for his own crisis – the crisis of the cross. It’s no secret that Jesus suffered severely even before his arrest, trial and crucifixion. His suffering began in the Garden of Gethsemane. And it was there that his own battle was fought and won.

False highs and lows

Our emotions as Christians, are not always pure.

As much as we would like to achieve this level of spirituality, most of us have to admit we’re simply not there yet. Yet Jesus can still teach us; he takes us where we are and leads us to higher ground.

One problem is that the lows and highs of our emotional spectrum are too often fed by the wrong things. Failure and loss feed the low end; hedonistic activities feed the high end. Emotional extremes are not wrong – they’re God-given but they’re often artificially driven by sins and the pursuit of self-centered experiences.

Another problem is that we tend to constrict our emotional response spectrum, either intentionally dulling our senses through various addictions and drugs or unintentionally through various activities that tend to dull us by design (TV is one example). This is our wrong-headed attempt at achieving a centering of our emotions. The problem is that it dulls and truncates the range of our emotions, and ultimately if not corrected, will turn us into unfeeling robots.

Now, let’s look at the crisis of Jesus when he experience a sorrow so deep, it led him to say, ‘My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death.’[2] What did Jesus do? Here are the seven things that we can learn when our own souls are sorrowful.

Seven things to do when you’re discouraged

What to do when the inevitable strikes:

1  Admit it when you’re discouraged. Somehow, somewhere we’ve gotten the warped notion that, if we’re really spiritual, we won’t get discouraged. But the fact is that Jesus himself was sorrowful, and admitted it to his disciples: ‘my soul is exceeding sorrowful, even to [the point of] death’ (Matthew 26:38). He actually was a ‘man of sorrows and acquainted with grief’ (Isaiah 53:3). Sorrow is a fact of life – no one is exempt. And denying the fact will only perpetuate and aggravate the problem. It’s like temptation: it’s not whether you’ll be tempted, it’s what you’ll do when you’re tempted. There is no shame in admitting discouragement; without admission the discouragement will likely get worse before it gets better.

2  Pray alone. With discouragement drives us to withdraw, but remember that discouragement should serve as a divine warning flag telling us to get alone with him and PRAY! This is exactly what Jesus did in his hour of sorrow. And don’t worry about praying spiritual-sounding words. Simply pour out your soul earnestly and honestly; describe what you’re going through. Tell him your complaint – he can take it! The Psalms are full of this kind of prayer. For example, see Psalm 13.

3  Pray with others who know and care for you. We can’t do it alone. Yes, Jesus got alone to pray, but he didn’t go far away from those closest to him. To be precise, he went about ‘a stone’s throw away’ from his disciples, and three times he checked on them and scolded them for not praying with him. He needed them but they only signaled the start of their own discouraged withdrawal. We often avoid this action because we fear this kind of rejection or lack of attention and care. Yet Jesus himself practiced it, knowing full well its risks.

4  Accept that people will make their own choices. We all have our own Judases. It doesn’t mean that you’re a failure when a friend goes their own way. It certainly wasn’t a shock to Jesus that Judas ‘turned him in,’ although he may have been somewhat surprised by the betrayal kiss (‘Judas, do you betray me with a kiss?’). Still, Jesus accepted the kiss; it wasn’t easy, but Judas had made up his own mind and apparently Jesus made no attempt to stop him – even telling him: ‘What you do, do quickly.’ We too need to give people the space to betray us, if that’s what they’ve chosen to do. And often they’ll do it with ‘a kiss,’ trying to make it look like something it’s not.

Or maybe you betrayed someone’s trust and now feel like you’ve ‘blown it’ – that you’ve gone too far.[3] Whatever the cause of your discouragement, remember you are never beyond the love, mercy and grace of God.

5  Realize that discouragement is usually temporary and try to understand why it’s happening. Check all that apply:
 betrayed
 bored
 defeated
 disappointed
 ‘disconnected’
 disfigured
 embarrassed
 failed
 injured
 rejected
 sick
 weary
 other ____.

We often walk through life in a muddle. But usually, deep down we know what is distressing us, yet it’s sometimes too painful to face it squarely. We’re afraid there may be no salvation for our particular trouble, no remedy, or no one who will truly care. But resist the temptation to muddle through, and rather, look at the source of your discouragement head on. Try to describe the essence of it with words, maybe in a journal or in prayer or in talking to a friend.

Remember that feelings are fickle. And emotions tend to magnify the issue. “Tears may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) “He who sows in tears will reap in joy.” (Psalm 126:5) Try to keep it in perspective; in my life the fog has always eventually lifted and often I don’t really know why.

6  Wait for God to strengthen you. Our God sees and cares and sends help. He saw Jesus in agony and sent an angel. But we often miss this divine provision because it comes in a form we would not normally expect or cannot see: the strength may come through a child, a word, a nap, a laugh, a ray of sunshine, or some other invisible, unappreciated, or unremarkable thing. Wherever it comes from, don’t miss it. Don’t put your hope in any other momentary escape. Wait upon God alone.

7  Resolve to do the will of God. In the end, Jesus said, “ . . . not my will, but yours be done . . .” We must learn that ‘it’s not about me.’ So many times in my life, the black cloud won’t lift until I turn my eyes away from myself and onto someone or something else. Often the ‘way of escape’ is laying down my problem and taking up someone’s else’s. So we can do in a small way, what the Lord did for all men. In this act of surrendering to God’s will, we move further into the path of Jesus. The more we surrender ourselves, the more we will do what he did, moving intentionally from the valley to the mountain and then back to the valley; from our patch of earth, to heaven, then back again.

See also the introduction to this category: Lies attacking our self-understanding.

See also: Lie: God doesn’t care.

See also: Lie: I am defeated, part 1 and part 2.

[1] See Philippians 3:12

[2] Here are the references for the whole passage of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, (which means ‘oil press’): Luke 22:39–46; Matthew 26:36–46; Mark 14:32–42; John 18:1–11

[3] If you have betrayed someone, stop now and confess your sin and – if at all possible – seek to be reconciled with your friend.